Bumble......

I found this on this great blog, and couldn't resist putting it here.


EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered. "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

AND................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name

Stumble....

Now for the one who stumbles....
He falls here and there, since many many years. I cant find out why, when or where. But he does. I thought he has myoclonic epilepsy but he doesnt. I thought he has segmental myoclonus, but he doesnt, I thought he might have some rare myoclonic syndrome but he is briht and definitely is fine systemically. So, he becomes the man who stumbles and I cant think of what to do. And he becomes my patient because no one else can find anything to do with him too. He sits before me, smiling dubiously, catching my drift as i probe him for psychopathology, he is too smart not to know that we all are forced to think that he falls because he has a problem in his mind and not his brain or spinal cord, and I can see that he is almost hurt that he doesn't have epilepsy. So its out into the field with him, graduated falls, graduated belief into psychic determinism. I am such a tyrant.

Grumble....

Well from Mumble to grumble isn't a long way.
He sat in front of me, looking preoccupied, far away, shifting his head in a way reminiscent of a certain movement disorder and he looked at me vaguely after I had called out his name a couple of times. And then he started, sad unhappy and almost whiny. It were these people he said, who had nothing better to do in the past few years than talk about him all day long. In various languages, but always about him talking about whatever he does, about whatever he thinks, critical, irritating, and unceasing. Minute by minute, day after day and year after year. They could see him and whatever he saw via cameras in his eyes and he could hear them by way of a speaker in his head. And he was quite sick of them, after bottles of alcohol, packs of cigarettes, and drugs galore, they were there, they were real and they were a pain. In that one moment, maybe a fraction of a second, I sat in his place and felt what he felt and I was terrified.

Mumble.....

He was admitted a few days ago, and he was mumbling then when i saw him first. I talked to him the next day, a clinical interview, so to speak. His look was lost, mumble mumble, mumble.....muttering something unknown. Looking through me, as if I did not exist, nor did anyone or anything else. Just the mumbling getting to me. I felt like shaking him out of his world, knowing that it isn't possible. Just the smile that includes no one, and the mumbling that continues everywhere, in the bathroom, while eating, in the rounds, even plying badminton. Stops only for sleep where who knows what he dreams of and who he talks to. Some days later, and many drugs later, he is still mumbling but maybe less than before, and someday maybe he will tell me who he talks to before he forgets it all in the dark recesses of his psychosis ridden brain.