Some thoughts on Bandhavgarh National Park

Chital Stag
Originally uploaded by Shubh M Singh

I have just returned from 3 days spent in the Bandhavgarh National Park as a part of a solitary backpacking trip across some destinations in Madhya Pradesh. I believe people look for info as I certainly did and maybe what I write now maybe of some use to others.
I reached Umaria railway station at about 4 am, it was dark and cold and there was certainly no way to get to Tala which is the town that is the main entry point to Bandhavgarh. I could wait for a couple of hours until about 6.30 am when the first bus to Tala starts from Umaria (right opposite the Railway station) or help myself and make it in time for the morning safari.
I decided on the latter and hired an auto to take me the 32 kms to Tala. It cost me 300rs after some bargaining and after driving through the darkness in the forest, passing a run over jackal and disturbing some feeding deer, I made it to Tala at about 5AM.
I had already called up someone at the Gitanjali lodge which is like the cheapest place in Tala. Others in the same category are KUMKUM lodge. The tariff charged from me was 250 rs per day which really is quite decent. So I reached Gitanjali and found the caretaker and he gave me a room with a rather stinky toilet. I decided not to worry about that for the moment. I then saw 5 boys who had hired a single room, bottles of whisky were lting around and I asked them if they would take me, they had some more bottles of whisky ready for the safari and were reluctant to do so, so I left them alone and rather thankfully at that.
I asked the care taker the best option, so he advised me to walk to the main gate into the forest which is about a kilometer away from the guest house. So I left my backpack and took my camera to the gate. It was a nice long walk, I was joined by a young boy who was probably as nervous as I was at walking through a forest with the possibility of a hungry tiger in the wait. I also passed a freezing stream flowing across the road. I made it to the gate just as dawn was breaking.
The price for solitary wildlife travellers is fairly steep in bandhavgarh. For instance, for an Indian, a safari would cost a minimum of Rs 1680/- per trip. This would include Rs 1000/- for the gypsy and Rs 680/- that includes the entry cost and the guide charges. The guide incidentally is a figure of some confusion. Some people tend to think that the guide is indispensable for a good sighting, and others tend to think that the guide is just a person on the safari. My own impression is that a guide is useful if he is good, but a guide in no way ensures that you will see a tiger. But you have to have a guide so I guess its not too good an idea to run after a guide with a reputation.

Anyway, reaching the gate, I saw all these gypsies lining up and soon it resembled Delhi rush hour. I am told it was worse earlier. Now, a maximum of 45 vehicles are allowed inside the Tala zone, they have definite routes allotted to them, and the tiger show or the elephant ride to the stationary tiger that made Bandhavgarh the most sought after par for tiger viewing has been stopped in the Tala zone. There are other zones where it still goes on but people do not visit those zones, apparently the sightings are not as good as in Tala and the cost for hiring the gypsy is Rs 1500/-.

So I decided to start asking people to take me along for a cut in the total cost. After some people refused, I finally met two guys from Bangalore who decided to take me along. Eventually I had most of my safaris including a trip to the fort (which is not to be missed) along with them. I paid them 1/3rd of whatever they were paying for the particular safari. I think it suited all of us as we had a fairly good time.

Coming to the safaris themselves, as i have said before, the guides do not matter as much as they should. The forest, well. I have been to Sariska, Corbett, Bandipur, Nagarhole, Sariska and some others. I had also partly gone to Bandhavgarh due to the reputation the place enjoys. And I must say that I was slightly disppointed. Maybe it was due to the weather, but it was quiet, there was no movement, a few alarm calls and most of the times, it did not feel like we were going to run into a tiger anytime soon. The vaunted density of tigers in Bandhavgarh is probably lower than it is claimed. I was told by some people that at least 4 tigers had been poached in the past couple of years, 2 had been trapped for sending to other places and hence the population was lower than stated. In fact during one of the safaris, I was surprised to realize that I was discussing milk production in Karnataka with one of my companions.

For the record, I did see a tigress and on another occassion, a cub of the same tigress but other than that nothing. Other people have seen a lot more, so maybe I just dont have the tiger luck.

In total, I took 7 safaris, and most of the times, that is just the way it was. A driver told me that a group had recently taken 20 safaris without spotting a tiger. So all those who say that Bandhavgarh is a place for definite tiger sightings is pulling a fast one or doesnt know better . The tiger sightings were mostly due to the elephant tiger shows and because the gypsies had a free run of the park which is no longer the case.

Soon it was time to be back, I hired a taxi to Katni railway station. The drop cost me Rs 1400/- and I boarded a train back to Lucknow.

2 states-Chetan Bhagat

A short review-
DDLJ meets national integration meets 5 point someone. But for 95 bucks, has to be total paisa vasool.

The Dying Buddha-Kushinagar

The Dying Buddha-Kushinagar
Originally uploaded by Shubh M Singh

" Now, O Brothers! I do remind you, all component things are subject to decay. Work for your salvation in the earnest.
Is it easy to take that advice, to break free and go forth into the world as a free man, unfettered and unbound. Or the idea of Grihasta Ashram, the responsibility of being a saint, soldier and a householder at the same time?

Sid Woke Up in Bombay

Well Sid needs to wake up unless he wants a good thrashing and a free ride back to Bihar. But Sid is a Mehra, aren't those buggers from Punjab, no matter, we will send him to Bihar anyways. What the hell does he mean, calling our beloved Mumbai Bombay, and that too not once or twice but many times in the entire bloody movie. I mean its enough that senior Mehra who is a Kher comes to Amchi Mumbai, and makes a fortune making shower faucets, sells them all over the country, teaches Indians how to enjoy a shower alone and in company, that in comes this stupid Sid-wid fellow who does clubbing-shubing and finds his tequila sozzled tongue too stiff to curve around Mumbai?? Make it mandatory for all clubs to have bouncers who bounce out people who cant say Mumbai at the first go and walk in a straight line. get those swastika armbands and whips out, and get those dogs out too for Amchi Mumbai's sake!!!!
And what does this karan Johar fellow mean by getting a Bong babe who answers to a Muslim name to come in and take a job that should have been rightfully reserved for a son/daughter of the beaches on the Arabian sea soil. Disgraceful I say. And whats worse is that she even manages to get a flat on rent. Where is that fellow Imran hashmi who makes all those stupid accusations??
In fact the only person who spoke Marathi in the entire movie was some saucy, over-the-hill tart who was called Sonia. Imagine, not even a Gangu Bai. Disgraceful and as dad would say, hopeless!!!
The only Mumbai in the movie was some rag run out of a falling warehouse called Mumbai Beat. Yeah they need a beating, all of them. Starting from the Das female down to Anupam Kher with the bags under the eyes.
And all that Jazz-shazz and stuff, why not a magazine director with a stubble who has passionate raptures watching the tamasha while sipping his single malt.
Ban the movie I say and all will be fine. And while you are at it, lets drive all thos eNorth Indians, South Indians, East Indians and West Indians out of here. Of course, we love the West Indians from Barbados.

The Booze Affair

The problem about Booze is:

1. Not knowing where the ideal balane between not puking and staying drunk is.

Tips for Travelers in Bihar who know No better

Kesaria Stupa-Bihar
Originally uploaded by Shubh M Singh

Well, first things first. I really love Bihar. I mean I have been there once and I think its one of the most beautiful parts of the country. And I do believe that it deserves less of the bad press it has got recently. Well, I started off with a book that I downloaded off the net that dealt with a Chinese traveler by the name of Hiuen Tsang, all of us have read about him in long forgotten history books. The problem is that his travelogues make for fairly exciting reading and most of it is about India. Once I moved to Lucknow, I knew that I had a chance to travel around a bit. So I made up a bit of a project that I would see most of the Buddhist sites within striking distance. So I thought I would do a bit of Alexander Cunningham and a bit of Hiuen Tsang and a bit of Fa Xian as well for good measure. Well, Varanasi and Sarnath were easy, it was a trip paid for in course of a conference that I was invited to, Sravasti is within easy driving distance of Lucknow, I simply hopped on a taxi and made it back by the evening.
That left me with the tough cookies of Sankissa, an idea I have given up for the moment, Bodha Gaya and Kushinagar which I plan to do sometimes soon and the Kesaria, Vaishali, Nalanda and Rajgir.
I will not bore you with travelogue type entries here. Thats not the purpose, I simply wish to record certain facts that I took for granted and were disproved rapidly.
1. Trains have started to run on time in Bihar. They have not started to run on time. I believe things have improved but not quite. The problem is this that each train has to stop at every station and if it does not stop, there is every chance that it will be burnt down, so it stops. And because it stops at every small station, therefore it gets late. Not much, but a couple of hours is a safe estimate. And this is at day time. Thats when people have to travel, at night time this reduces to a large extent. That leads to many potential complications that I will come to later. I took the Sapt Kranti express which ran exemplary times until the time it passed Gorakhpur. Thereafter it got more and more late until I reached Chakia about 2 hours late which is really not too bad.
2. There is no problem regarding public transport in Bihar. I think the problem is one of lack of cheap and good public transport. Buses in Bihar are cheap but they are in awful shape and the biggest problem is that if you miss one, you are gone. I got down at Chakia and went on a bus to Kesaria, after a couple of kilometers I got down at the stupa, it was about half past twelve. I was told at the stupa by the caretaker while leaving that I had just missed the last bus at 1 in the afternoon and now was effectively stuck in Kesaria for the rest of the day unless I did something special. And being in the heart or rural Bihar, alone, obviously alien was something I did not relish. As a result, I had to pay through my nose to hire a ramshackle vehicle that took me to Vaishali. There the same story repeated itself. I missed a bus at 4.30 pm, and I waited at the bus stop for about 1.5 hours before i finally took some local transport and reached Patna after changing 3 buses and after 4 hours. All for a paltry distance of 55 kms. A taxi driver came up to me and offered to take me Patna for a thousand bucks. I told him to fuckoff. Advice: Arrange for transport unless you have a lot of time to kill or a lot of money to spend. In fact it is better to make Patna the base and then go wherever has to be gone, at least a taxi can be hired.
3. The question of Money. It starts getting tiresome after a while. Everyone gives the impression that he or she is out to fleece you, contrary to expectations, prices are high, prices are higher than in Lucknow for instance. And that includes most significantly, hiring a taxi. Then all the drivers I ran into seemed to be a whiny lot talking about and triyng to wheedle around some tip or baksheesh even above what had been promised already. Finally I got annoyed and gave a bit of tongue lashing to the driver that I hired to take me to Nalanda and Rajgir. I do not have a solution for this one, but try to fix up everything before hand, down to the last detail. That includes not just the cost but also how long the driver will remain with you. Nothing is more irritating than a driver who wants you to get over with it and says so that he can go back and get another customer.
All in all, its difficult to be a solo, unsupported obviously alien traveler in Bihar. Have a thick skin and you will be fine. Maybe Hiuen Tsang had a better time and more hospitable hosts.

Total Solar Eclipse-Varanasi

Total Solar Eclipse-Varanasi
Originally uploaded by Shubh M Singh

22nd of July was an interesting day. i will only with one part of it. I reached Varanasi by the Varuna express from Lucknow which unlike its name is not very express at all. In fact it is down right non-express. It stops, and it crawls most of the way. Whenever I could I got out to look skywards, and wishing strongly that the clouds keep away. Most of the way they, did, the stars twinkling brightly enough. But as the train neared Varanasi, it started becoming cooler, windier and there were definite clouds. I became superstitious and tried everything I could to keep the clouds away. Ultimately, I made my way out of the station with about ten thousand other people for company. I mean i was truly astounded at the mass of humanity that was sleeping, walking, talking, moving around on the railway station at 1 am in the morning. Why, even the monkeys were asleep. Anyway, I reached the hotel after some walking around, feeling hungry, ordered some food, formatted my memory cards, charged my camera battery, found that the focusing ring on my 135 mm nikkor had come loose and found out that I could still use it. I set the alarm for 3.45 AM, a small matter of one and a half hours of sleep. I woke up with a start, deep asleep I had been. But I got up, and peered out of the window, the glass was too thick and grimy to see anything outside. The suspense was killing me so I made a precis of all the normal morning bodily functions and got dressed, picked up my stuff and was ready to go. I reached the Assi ghat at about 4.30 Am and it was mostly deserted. There were a few clouds on the horizon but it was mostly ok and things looked good. I walked around and that's when the trouble really began. A huge bank of clouds started blowing across the eastern horizon obscuring most of the sky. It was like holy shit, no, go away. Collective gasps of disappointment from all photographers. The eclipse would have just started, a man in the background asking god to show himself again and again. And then the sun peeked out with a bite taken out of its top. And there were none of those pesky, big opaque clouds around, all those silly things I had done the night before seemed to be working after all. And soon enough it started getting duller, the light started to take on a very strange quality. As the eclipse progresses beyond about 50%, the light starts dropping dramatically, the birds become unhappy and the shadows become strange. Its like taking cannabis and looking at the world. And suddenly, the sun is completely obscured by the moon, thousands of people emit a collective gasp as there is this huge world wide natural power cut, the stars twinkle above, the sky is a blue that you can never see otherwise, the sun is surrounded by a bright halo, I was so excited that my hands trembled, and throat went dry, all my pictures got screwed due to the fact that my hands just would not stop shaking from the excitement. Just watch it, just watch it is all I can say or think, wow, holy shit, fuck, it all goes on, the biggest show on earth is not the world cup or the Indian general election, it is the Varanasi total solar eclipse. The crowd is crying out for the sun to reappear, the beggars and the priests are gathering alms furiously, the photographers are clicking away furiously, and I am watching furiously. And then it is alright all of a sudden, the 3 and a half minutes of pure celestial orgasm ebbs away in a flash with the diamond ring and thereafter, that light goes away pretty quickly. There is a spontaneous applause from the crowd, slogan shouting for the god has come back again and it is all bright and happy once more. The Ganges dipping resumes with even greater gusto. And I am feeling drained and tired. I go around taking some pictures. I run into an old lady who looks at me and decides that she likes me, she tells me with some strange premonition that when god could be in such a soup as to face an eclipse and get out of it, humans can too. I agree with her and move on. Later, I take a boat ride to the opposite bank of the Ganges where I have a dip in the river and find that my sins cling on to me stronger than before. Some things never ever change.

Luxury Kabab

the most luxurious kebab is Undoubtedly kakori Kabab. It makes chicken taste like a laborer covered in dust. Its subtle, its light, its wow, and its worth the wait.

A strange reason

I have missed getting movie tickets for a lot of reasons. I have missed getting them because I have not wanted to watch the movie, or because I was short of money, or I got to the theater late, was not smart enough to take an opportunity when it presented itself and other such stuff. Today however, I missed watching movie for an entirely different reason. I wanted to watch the Star Trek movie and all the reviews seemed to suggest that it is a good picture. So I made my way to Saharaganj Mall in Lucknow that also houses the PVR cinema. Sure enough Star Trek was playing there. So I asked this guy at the counter for a ticket and he says that he needs at least five people before he can get me a ticket otherwise the show has to be scrapped. As a result I wait, I have a walk to the ShahNajaf Imambada nearby, gradually loll around, look longingly at the booze shop close by, see those ladies with lovely eyes in their naquabs and eventually make it back after some time, now I am in luck it seems. There have been 3 other people there interested in watching the movie. So I wait, just one more, there has to be someone. And as it turns out even those 3 who were interested fail to turn up. And so I miss a movie not because it was a 'house full', but because it was an 'empty house'. Meanwhile I overheard a somewhat lyrical exchange between two guys who had come over to watch a movie. The debate is on whether the money should be spent on the english or the hindi version of 'terminator salvation'.

First Guy: Lets watch the english version

Second guy: No way

First guy: Why not, we are not ignoramuses

Second guy: (this is where the lyrical stuff comes in, the meter is mine that was produced in course of translation)

O, you bug of the penis, (Latin name: Phallophilus lucknowi Linn.)

do not go searching around in pubic hair.

you may look high and low,

but u will end up with just that, pubic hair.

QED

The Story of a Bad Trip

Disclaimer: First things first, this is not autobiographical, not completely anyways. Rather, it is a mish-mash of patient's accounts, some of my own ramblings and lots of free time that really should not be free that has given birth to this short piece.


I am in Lucknow, a place of a terrible summer, a summer that sucks my throat dry in no time. A place of decaying buildings, of a heritage that is too familiar to breed anything but contempt, of big magnificent statues and parks devoted to a single cause, a place with tiny red ants that bite like little knives, pan stains on all walls and a place with many, many people living together in places that are much to small to hold them all. And I live here now. I have been moving around in the streets, and sure it is interesting, more interesting than any other place I have seen or been to in a long time. Its interesting in the sense of a massive culture plate that's teeming with all manners of bugs, good and bad, toxins and antibiotics, a new sight and smell and sound around every corner, sure all other places i have been to seem sterile like a bottle of glutaraldehyde. I am constantly amazed by the smell of sweat and blood and meat, among which people stand and eat, dogs running around their ankles, and none of them have looked icteric to me so far. I for my part have not worried about stuff as tame as cleanliness so far, each glass of water I have had on the streets seems to be anything but clear, the taste faintly brackish, but I have drank it all. I have had lassi on the streets, chaat by the dozen, beef kebabs and mutton kebabs, biryanis of indefinite origin, sweets, and all else that is on sale and is edible. I have been to beef shops with the big bovine legs hanging from meat hooks, scores of decapitated heads of lambs, their eyes glassy and fixed lying together in companionable comfort waiting until they are sold, and I have never ever been able to buy a good dussheri mango so far. However, I am still fairly certain that they exist, I just need to find out where they are available and for how much. But I do not consider all this a bad trip, pleasant and unpleasant, maybe, but bad, no. It just the way it is. I will come to the bad trip and the story in a little while. Let me ventilate a little bit. I have triesd to try everything that is available, trying to be unafraid. I have walked more than I have in a long time. Every evening I get out of my room, and start walking in a direction I have not taken the previous day. And I walk until I am tired or have reached where I wanted to reach, then I roam about for some time, maybe have a lassi or a kulfi, and take a rickshaw back. I try not to sit on the richshaw when the goin is uphill ( all roads here are on some sort of a gradient), I do feel loike an exploitative fat man sitting on a rickshaw that is being pedalled with obvious difficulty by a man who is probably less than half my weight. But then I cant afford a vehicle just now and the guy who pedalling me around needs employement too.
So one of these evenings, I was on a rickshaw and I reached the chowk. I did not have to get down but I did. There was nothing better to do, thirst had me floored and there was no beer available nearby. So looking around, I saw this shop selling thandai. I have a vague idea what thandai, I should know better now but I still don't. In fact, if I went to the shop again, I still would not know what to do. Well, let me visualize this shop, its a fairly usual shop, a few benches and there was a sikh family sitting on one of those benches. A plastic chair bedecked with flowers, I never knew what that was for, though some of the customers at that shop bowed before the chair before they tokk their places. Behind the counter is this man who looks a bit like a rodent, I am sure he is a nice guy otherwise. So I sit down and make myself obviously wanting to be served. And ambles along a nice, pleasant looking boy who asks me what I want so I ask him for a glass of thandai and he asks me what kind and i tell him that i want him to get me the tip-top, super-duper absolute best there is.
So a super-duper, tip-top best there is I get. Its green, and about half of the green goes into a biggish glass, topped up by some other concoction and on tasting, it is slightly bitter. Hmm, so this is what bhang is all about. And its no fucking good because it does nothing, and that is absolutely nothing, to me.

Bloody hell, so I walk around listlessly. I eventually find the shop of someone who is supposed to make the best biryani in town (incidentally, I haven't tasted it yet) and generally felt annoyed. Anyway, I walked back and by the time I reached back I had forgotten all about the thandai and its constituents. Just a vague thought that i did not want to waste my money anymore on such frivolous and useless stuff. Better buy some more dusheri mangoes and hope for the best.

I am alright, fine, great. And i get back and have a lemonade, its dark, and very warm. I sit there, click a picture on my mobile phone and send and receive a few text messages. My mates for the evening arrive, and as I get up, in that split second as my butt is just off the chair, something is wrong and I know it instantly. I don't know what it is, but I kind of totter, light headed to the counter and pay for my lemonade. I am ok, I am fine, it will pass, I counted the money alright, didn't I? So I walk and I notice that I just swayed, now that I think of it, it was kinda strange, I swayed and I walked into the car. It was a nice, big car and the air conditioning was delicious. But that feeling of wrongness just would not quit. And in a minute, I knew I was fucked because I felt like I was going to pass out any second. I was like sure of it, certain. And then I suddenly woke up and in front of my eyes was this darkness and a spot of golden light that went away into the distance, and I woke up. Had I just passed out, man that was seriously freaky. I have had all these people in my family who decide to die within minutes for no particular reason, and I thought that maybe I was about to join their ranks. And considering my state in life, that was not something I was particularly keen on. Lets see, I am thinking, I remember this as the car is moving, I am young but not young enough, I have this strong family history, and I do not want to die right now, I have to see so many things, and do so many things, should I take a risk and not worry about it and hope it will pass or should I play it safe and go to the fucking emergency right away and get an ECG. Before I can decide, I suddenly notice that I dont remember anything that has happened in the past one minute. Sure, I am still making some small talk but, hey this is bloody freaky. And I think, memory is not getting consolidated. And all this while, its like I am passing out, passing out, passing out, I need to stay awake, I need to stay awake, and if I close my eyes, I am not opening them again. My heart is beating like crazy, I can feel it through the my chest, and my fabindia fucking freaky stupid stylish kurta. I ask one of my mates to check my pulse, tachycardia, I make some more small talk about getting an antacid. An antacid, for an MI. One part of my brain tells me, get your ass to the emergency, the other part is like ok, this will pass, and all the while yet another part is scared shitless, keep awake, keep awake, dont close your eyes, and you are going to die. Kind of tough making the right choice. I am thinking, is this how my folks felt just before they died. I think in some vague corner, I also thought about Buddha, impermanence and the need to suffer. I was kind of hoping at that moment that I might be able to live a common, stupid, vulgar, humdrum life. So much for big words, I dont want to die here, away from my family, in a strange place with no one around but some bored rickshaw pullers.

So by the time I got to a particularly busy traffic point I insisted that I needed a BP recording. I am driven back, I get out of the car, by now my condition has stabilized to a state of constant anxiety, palpitations, a feeling of going faint at any moment. Strangely enough, through all this, I am lucid even though I am for a moment terrified. I even look at my wrist watch and see that it is about half past eight in the evening. My pulse is way too high, my blood pressure is matching my tachycardia. I know something is worng now. I want to go to the proper doctors, and I insist. So off we went, and we reached this place where cardiologists were likely to be found, but for the first five minutes none can be found. I am on my feet, I am feeling worse now, certain that I am about to fall. Finally I locate one and since he is not moving I tell him that I think I am in a bad shape and I need his help. So he tells me to go to the other room, slimy bugger. So I do, i still dont fall though I am sure that I am close now. Finally I can lie down on a bed but the ECG machine cannot be wheeled in, I have taken off my fancy shoes, and my mates' plans of a biryani and booze evening are irrevocably down the drain. What a spoil sport I am. So this time round they know that I am an important person and get me a wheel chair. I am taken to a chamber where an ECG is done, I am looking at the face of the cardiologist, and he looks at me and tells me that all I have is sinus tachycardia, my heart is beating at about 130 beats per minutes and he has no ideas why. I am feeling awful and he insists on asking me all those questions like how long did it take for my relatives to die after their symptoms started. And so I look at my watch and see that even after about half an hour, I am still in the land of living. I ask a couple of guys to confirm and pinch my eyebrow hard just to confirm. The pain jerks me awake. And for the first time I consider the effect of a toxin, cannabis. And I look around and see a fan spin above me, I follow it, I am still not sure what it is, not wanting to get into the temptation of resting. My brain is moving and I come up with some differential diagnoses:
1. A myocardial infarction-ask for an aspirin, they look at me and take their time.
2. Hypoglycemia for some reason, I drink a couple of bottles of IV 5% dextrose and it makes no difference.
3. Epilepsy: complex partial type..I think of lorazepam but think the better of it, I dont want to feel more drowsy than I already am.
4. The onset of psychosis, or worse still schizophrenia: I think I am fucked and there is nothing I can do about that.
I look around, everything looks like I am seeing it through a sheet of thick glass with high refractive index, it looks far away and indistinct and unreal. What is it called, jamais vu. Somehow it makes me happy that I am thinking straight. I ask someone, 'am I talking sense?', and he assures me that I am. I get an ecg repeated and the pulse is still pretty fast, its now a couple of hours and slowly I start to think that I am going to be Ok, probably that is. I ask him if he knows the chemical analogue of cannabis in the brain and I tick him off for not knowing that. I want them to have a good story to tell people in case I do conk off for some reason. But gradually, I am getting better, the senior doctor asks me how I am, and I say I am fine. How are you feeling he asks, and I say that I am scared of falling asleep and he grins and walks away. Soon I am getting bored of feeling miserable. And after about 3 hours, I am sure that I am going to be fine and I just have to live through this muck. So I will myself to sleep, and I do, only to wake up and vomit twice after a couple of hours. By the next morning, I am very sleepy and tired, I still feel unreal, my heart rate is down to almost normal levels. I think I feel hungry, and I wonder if I can walk around. Someone has kept my shoes next to the bed, I am touched. I walk out of the ward and get to my room, the pain as the hair on my chest is pulled as the electrodes are peeled off is excruciatinig and knocks all the depersonalization out of me. I have a bath and am back at work.
I think I should have a super-duper, tip-top thandai again and soon.