Friday, March 20, 2009

So Much Anger


I am the only brother in 7 siblings. I am unique, the only one. I have had good times and bad times, more bad than good. And I have so much anger within me. Anger at so many people who have done me wrong. My relatives, for instance. My uncles who have been worse than enemies might be. I am angry at them and I never want to see them. And that is my only condition for happiness and peace. My sister is getting engaged, she is happy, everyone is happy. But I dont want my uncles to be there. The elders in my family decide to call them for the sake of appearances, social niceties. I am not told of it, or if I am, I hope I wont have to see them. I really dont remember and as I said, I just have too much anger and there was a buzzing in my ears as I heard their names being mentioned.
At the party, I see one of my uncles, he too has apparently come there for the sake of appearances, social niceties. And I get really angry. I mean how dare he be there when I was sure I never wanted to see them. But here they are, and I need to take revenge. I have so much anger. I need to make them sorry, all of them. The uncle who decided to come, the elders in my family who thought it might not be such a bad idea, and everyone else who does not think the way I do. I have to do something to make them remember for all times, and finally cement the antagonism with anger, sorrow and guilt. I tell one of my relatives that I cant bear this anymore and I have to go. I dont think he notices very much, he is having a good time.
I go home and take this medicine, shortly afterwards, through a haze I am taken somewhere and suddenly, in a matter of minutes, the discomfort is over.
My sister is in a hospital, she has not eaten in a couple of days and she wont speak. She is being looked at by a big, disinterested doctor who has probably seen this before. Nothing much to worry about, he opines, and I agree.She will be fine soon.
My anger is a little less now.

2 comments:

delusionary-illusion said...

Dear Doc,
Anger is a natural feeling, experienced when you feel frustrated, hurt, rejected or hostile. i guess this is a conditioned response and in your case it seems like "your uncle" is the Trigger. I dont need to explain the Pavlov theory as you are aware of it, However I want you to understand that, at present your uncle is not hurting you anyway. Your past memory of him is hurting you, so this is taking place in your mind rather than anywhere else. However you dont have control over the response from your body, when your eyes see him or ears hear his name, you react, rather your body is reacting and you dont have control over it. Know that your are being controlled by the past memories of your relatives, however the body/brain is reacting as this is taking place in the here and now. So we need to work with your "inner child"( neural-pathways)who is carrying these past-memories, once you release the negative energy that you acquired in the past from your relatives, you will feel inner peace and their names or their presence will no longer control your emotional life.
However the charges are high now as I am suffering from credit crunch. hehe.

you must realise that your relatives presence, their names and anything related to them is controlling your emotional well-being It's a powerful emotion, and unless it's managed properly, it can have a devastating effect on your family, your work and your overall wellbeing. I am happy to help you as I am a well-wisher and wonderful friend of yours. :):)
However I will send a bill for this first and we will work together for rest of our lives. haha.
Nisha

Shrinked Immaculate said...

Good to see you Nisha ji, I don't know what I would do without you.

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