Grumble....

Well from Mumble to grumble isn't a long way.
He sat in front of me, looking preoccupied, far away, shifting his head in a way reminiscent of a certain movement disorder and he looked at me vaguely after I had called out his name a couple of times. And then he started, sad unhappy and almost whiny. It were these people he said, who had nothing better to do in the past few years than talk about him all day long. In various languages, but always about him talking about whatever he does, about whatever he thinks, critical, irritating, and unceasing. Minute by minute, day after day and year after year. They could see him and whatever he saw via cameras in his eyes and he could hear them by way of a speaker in his head. And he was quite sick of them, after bottles of alcohol, packs of cigarettes, and drugs galore, they were there, they were real and they were a pain. In that one moment, maybe a fraction of a second, I sat in his place and felt what he felt and I was terrified.

Mumble.....

He was admitted a few days ago, and he was mumbling then when i saw him first. I talked to him the next day, a clinical interview, so to speak. His look was lost, mumble mumble, mumble.....muttering something unknown. Looking through me, as if I did not exist, nor did anyone or anything else. Just the mumbling getting to me. I felt like shaking him out of his world, knowing that it isn't possible. Just the smile that includes no one, and the mumbling that continues everywhere, in the bathroom, while eating, in the rounds, even plying badminton. Stops only for sleep where who knows what he dreams of and who he talks to. Some days later, and many drugs later, he is still mumbling but maybe less than before, and someday maybe he will tell me who he talks to before he forgets it all in the dark recesses of his psychosis ridden brain.

For Nisha

My one faithful reader, Nisha is the one I dedicate this post to. She has kept my hopes of a multi-million dollar publishing deal alive when similar delusions on my part have long since vanished. I dedicate her this post for her unstinting and unflinching propensity to comment on my posts, no matter how innocuous, inane or even down right stupid they may be. Nisha is the reason I still write as often as I do, and I hope she gets all that she wants pretty soon.
I have been posted to the ward, so I am not getting enough time to blog as before, and well my Flickr page too takes up the little time that i have online. But this ward posting has been interesting on many aspects, firstly my enforced education on the various aspects of the Nhatquanglan virus, secondly the whole idea of finally getting some authority no matter how facile and thirdly the opportunity to make a difference in the life of lots of patients and a few residents as well.
If asked to decide what I find most satisfying, I would unhesitatingly root for the opportunity to run a ward with a certain vision quite my own, and teach junior residents with a view quite my own. For the first time in career I have started to realize the power that influence has. And I often am reminded of how my practice and my view on psychiatry was shaped by my senior resident and now I find myself trying to teach them much in the same way. Scientific temper, objectivity, compassion and common sense being the pillars on which such practices rest.
Thanks Nisha, i will get back to you soon. And I hope your eyes get better soon.

Nhatquanghlan Update

I recently noticed a spurt in the traffic to my blog which is apparently caused by people looking for answers to the Nhatquanghlan worm. Well, over here in Chandigarh, it seems that this virus is just about in all computers and is being spread by the ubiquitous pen/usb/zip/thumb drive. From my ruminations on the net and frequent tinkering around the ward computer that gets reinfected almost every day, I have made certain observations that seem to make some conclusions about this worm.
1. This worm spreads by USB drives though it is possible that other portable media may be involved too.
2. It causes the task manager, the folder options, registry files to be altered.
3. It can be diagnosed by the above symptoms.
4. There is a crappy looking folder icon that is seen (with same name as the original folder), the file size of which is 282 kb.
5. It makes the computer slow down, and no anti-virus as of now seems to catch hold of it.
6. Inability to stop the USB drive from remove hardware safely option.
7. Inability to format the USB drive.
8. The worm is an autorun .exe file and executes and infects every time a USB drive is plugged in.
Cure:
1. Download Hijack this(free), and the task manager fix of the interra group (also free), and a program called spybot killer.
2. Run the hijack this (rename it first or it wont start), and fix all files with scvhost.exe (not svchost.exe), run spybot, and then task manager fix. This should cure it. As u learn more about viruses, hijack this is probably the most useful program to have.
3. Reboot, and should run ok.
Prevention:
1. USB hygiene is paramount. Disable autorun (wont happen unless infection is cleared first) using administrative tools.
2. Do not run any program from the USB drive, copy paste on to computer first.
3. Scan USB drive all the times.
4. Format USB drive often.
5. Read about hakaglan on the web.

All the best.

Time Out in the Traffic Lights!!!

Talk about being penny wise and pound foolish!!! Suddenly there seems to be pound wise and penny wise phenomenon as well. I am talking about the suddenly and thankfully non-functioning traffic lights at the airport chowk while entering Chandigarh from Ambala. After going through hell with all that debris and chaos at the Zirakpur crossing, another traffic light that further concentrates the light and heavy traffic together is the last thing that a harassed driver like me needs every single god damn morning of the week, month or year. As a result the traffic is now a lot smoother, there is some space to maneuver instead of the constant apprehension and anxiety of a bus, truck, scooter, horse cart or whatever breathing down your neck all the time. Suddenly the first few kilometers into Chandigarh are thankfully more relaxed than before. I hope they have a similar idea with the seemingly mindless and idiotic decision to install traffic lights at the tribune chowk.
I have often thought that we are prone to mindless knee jerk reactions. Traffic lights for instance should be put up where they facilitate the smooth movement of traffic rather than actually creating stupid conditions where traffic jams are created. So thats a good thing that happened.

USB VIRUSES!!!

Lately there has been a rash of virus attacks in computers around the area. It all started with a friend telling me of something strange going on with his computer. Namely, whenever he tried to open orkut.com, there was a devilish laugh and a window that had a fairly uncomplimentary message. The long and short of it being that opening orkut.com was impossible. The second being another similar window that prevented Mozilla Firefox browser from opening, and thats not all because after advising the user to switch to internet explorer, IE would shut down after a few seconds too. The third virus in the zoo was something called Nhatquanglan (someone in HO Chi Minh city Vietnam). This guy was pretty cool too, it would reproduce itself every time a folder is opened and take up some space. More irritating was the fact that it would disable the task manager and the folder options (ostensibly to prevent the user from shutting of the program). They were apparently being spread by flash drives, and no anti virus program seemed to be able to do anything about it. This necessitated a fairly radical operation in which some software like Hijack This, and reanimator had to be downloaded to clean the laptop up. So far it seems to be holding up. But what I am looking for now is some sort of a vaccine for a USB drive. Giving its overwhelming convenience and yet stupid safety profile, I hope someone somewhere , smarter than us all would get around to doing something about this.
That person would earn my undying gratitude.

On the other hand, I hope good sense prevails and life goes on smoothly.

Canned Telephone Messages Helplines

Take a peek at this little gem that I found in the Nurses’ Office of a Psychiatry Ward…

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press-no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Sunday Afternoon Blues!!

Its 5.20 PM, so it isnt afternoon any longer. But, its a sunday and it was afternoon not too long ago and is still unrequited. Therefore the blues continue and rightfully so. When I was in the deaddiction unit, sunday afternoons were all about relaxation (all sorts), eating, drinking and sleeping. But now, they are all about driving back and forth from work and the lack of quality time is discomfiting to say the least. How do the blues feel? Well, not great I suppose. Its like something foreign in the stomach that needs release, with a promise of hope that stays with it as long as its there. On the other hand, I accompanied a friend yesterday afternoon to the Punjab and haryana high court to take some pictures. I was quite shocked to see the number of photographers and assistants crawling out of each nook, corner and crevice. As my friend said, "each window must have been shot a 100 times by now". And I am sure it has been, so admist a surfeit of red, yellow and green pillars, here is hoping to some interesting shots in the photo competition.
The psychiatry ward is all about diagnostic difficulties at the moment and I must say the intellectual excercise is pretty stimulating. Some complicated cases, and a lot more not so complicated. For example, if one has a phobia to a situation that cannot be avoided, does the phobic thought not take on an obsessional quality? What does it become then?
Anyways, the open hand is a picture I took with my new (3rd hand) Nikkor 80-200 mm 2.8 lens. And it is sized so that it can be used a screensaver. And the lens is a peach to use. People say all good thing come in small packages, I think all good things in life come with a Nikon marking!!!

A happy news!!

(The building in question, started off as a parking lot and almost ended up as something else, a fancy Hotel)
As an individual who loves Mcleodganj and loves going there often (see earlier posts), I was very happy to read this news regarding strictures on illegal constructions in Mcleodganj. I have been interested and lately involved in a very very limited way with activism against the flouting of rules and environmental degradation in the Mcleodganj hills.
I often read about the sheer natural wealth that india was blessed with even until independence and the mindless and greed driven destruction that has taken place since then. All this has only led to further problems, shortages of water, climate change and general destruction of the landscape. And this step though small is a step in the right direction.
Even in the last 2-3 years that I have been going to M'ganj regularly, every visit seems to be greeted by lesser greenery, more encroachments, more shortages of water, bigger crowds. True, M'ganj is no longer a residential place, in fact it is now almost wholly commercial, but everything cannot be allowed to go to waste because someone wants to make money.
I constantly keep getting the feeling that money is now the bottom line everywhere, to hell witheverything else. But soon when the chickens will come home to roost, it may be too late.

The 150th Post

Happy days are here again, ward posting has started. Instead of drug addicts, its all types of mentally ill people now. And I must admit its so much more fun. There are so many stories that are found and cant be told. And so many lives that change forever in the ward. On the other hand, went crazy and got a mighty mighty expensive The Complete Companion to Tintin by Michael Farr, and it is one hell of a read (not lending it to anyone ;-))). SO life is more fun, all of a sudden.
Should have had that ward posting earlier.